NBA Tip Off Preview Tip Off!

Race to the Finals:

Christmas has come and gone, but on that O Holy Night, God left his special gift to the world behind... NBA Basketball! And to think the season almost didn’t happen all because some wealthy white owners didn’t want to pay their primarily black employees. This deal would have been made so much earlier had the owners not been so corrupted by their plantation mentality. And you want to know who the most selfish, obstinate, Jim Crowey white supremacist owner was? Michael Jordan. Yeah apparently this whitey was fighting to see the 57(players)/43(owners) deal flipped. He rejected the 50/50 split because he didn’t think the slave hands er… professional athletes deserved an even share with their white masters. I hope you were as offended as I when we had to watch these poor victimized men torn from their families and sent in slave ships/limousines wearing only loin cloths of Louis Vuitton to go argue their case in front a kangaroo court that they deserved to get paid 10s of millions of dollars in a league that was losing 100s of millions of dollars. (Am I laying on the sarcasm thick enough for you?)

But thankfully a deal was made in the nick of time to save Christmas from the evil Commissioner Grinch.

Chris Paul shouldn't be allowed to leave for a big market, so I'll send him to L.A.!

But in all seriousness no league sees race more definitively than the NBA. If you are an NBA player you are either black or white or foreign. So when people say there are no great white players in the league anymore they mean no white American born players, otherwise they would have to acknowledge 2x MVP Steve Nash or last year's king of the mountain Dirk Nowitzki. And if a talented American player is Milano, well that just means he’s a light skinned black guy.

Some people don't see color. No seriously, Craig Sager does not see color.

The stereotypes run deep in the NBA. If you are a white guy you must be able to shoot but if you’re a black guy you must be able to dunk. If you have strong “fundamentals” you must be foreign because we don’t learn how to “pass” and “rebound” in America anymore. And the analysts unwittingly perpetuate these stereotypes. I was listening to a scout trying to find a player to compare Jan Vessly to. Vessly is a 6’10’’ white guy (albeit from Europe) who’s strengths are running, dunking, and being tall. The scout was so desperate to compare him to another player that he went with Tom Chambers. I get it. Tom Chambers was a 6’10’’ white guy who could dunk. But he also played about 20 years ago! You seriously couldn’t think of a more recent player to compare him to? Someone most fans would actually know who you were talking about? I can think of several guys he reminds me of but most of them are black so I guess no comparison can be made because their skin color is different. Way to go ESPN scout. Someone should tell him we live in a post racial age (allegedly).

Little known fact: Jason Williams was not given the nickname "White Chocolate" for making flashy passes and using fancy dribbling, but because he thought all dark chocolate should go back to Africa.

What to watch for:

Charles Barkley to fall off the weight watchers wagon

No way does this guy make it a whole season without turning to old habits. Sure when there was nothing else going on he could find enough motivation by a paid endorsement to lose 30 pounds. But now that’s he’s back on TV, he’s bound to end up like his TNT paychecks: fat and bloated.

The Miami Heat will NOT WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

You heard it here first kids. Last year the stars aligned for the Heat to win it all. The big three avoided injury, Boston and LA looked old, Chicago and OKC looked too young, Dallas was not talented enough to beat them… and then the German Moses went biblical on their little parade.

http://youtu.be/VU6UHBYJOUw

Miami has the same flaws: No center, can’t shoot free throws, frontrunners who can’t handle the heat (hehe) and no heart.

Chicago and OKC in the finals. Chicago wins in 7.

Fewer trades, fewer firings

With a shortened season teams are going to make fewer trades knowing there is less time for teams to develop chemistry. Amnesty allowed for more veterans who normally would have been traded near the deadline to instead be added in free agency (Baron Davis, Rip Hamilton, Vince Carter).

The Amnesty Claus

Also less time means more rope for coaches as owners will be too busy planning for next year’s monster draft and free agency to be lamenting about their team’s lousy performances.

Reggie Miller will again be broadcasting his play by play from his space pub on Deep Space Nine

Here's to a New Year and a New Season!